Austin’s most precious gift: the power of community

This post has been rolling around in my head for a few days. The things that are stirring inside of me are so divergent: friends, family, community, bliss, tragedy, loss, hopefulness, and resiliency…all of these things have been on my mind, and in my experience for the past few weeks.

It’s strange now to recall how just a few years ago I tearfully lamented to a friend how not having an experience of meaningful community was hard for me to bear. In spite of not being able to hit the grocery store without seeing people I’d known for over 40 years, from the large church I grew up in or from school, I just didn’t feel connected.  And I think I had literally always felt this way.

I got temporary relief for this feeling when I lived briefly in Santa Barbara in the mid 1990’s.  It gave me a taste of the kind of bonding over shared values and passions I had been missing.  And returning to East Texas shortly after that to raise my children as a single parent near family was so right for us in some ways.  I know it was heaven for my children to grow up so close to their grandparents.  And I found my own personal heaven in the form of my small farm which I filled with antique roses, happy-go-lucky dogs, and beautiful horses.

I felt a deep sense of connection to the earth and to my animals at Peacock Creek Farm before moving to Austin.

Yet in spite of these rewards, living where I grew up was ironically a challenge in the area of feeling deeply connected to the people in my life.  Aside from my loving connection with my parents, I could count two friends – who each lived far enough away that I rarely spent time with them – that I felt this sense of belonging with.  And the powerful sense of community that I felt with my horse friends was diluted by the fact that they were spread out all over the world – literally.

Daily communion around people with whom I felt a deep connection was a hard thing to live without for over 20 years.  So as soon as I moved to Austin I began putting the power of social media to work networking with people that I had something in common with.

Cycling and the communications industry were the natural tribes to plug into.  And the results have been life changing.  In a matter of weeks I began forming casual connections that became regular activity partners, that in turn became true friendships.  Along with a sudden and overwhelming sense of belonging, I’ve lived in only a few months a tapestry of experiences that when woven together display a rich life of varying hues.

This month is a classic example of that tapestry.  Austin is such a vibrant, active city.  And inevitably, along with a sense of connection with our fellow man comes not only shared joy, but shared hardship.  And I’ve had both this month.

It’s not news to anyone that knows me that I organize a cycling group for now over 300 members in my newly adopted hometown.  I wanted to have some company along in my campaign to get fit and I wanted it in my own backyard.  So I started a neighborhood recreational cycling group which has expanded so quickly that I had to rename it, dropping the neighborhood association.

Not long ago a young man joined our group and jumped in with both feet.  He was so gracious and so thankful for my organizing a group in which he found the cycling companionship which he so desperately desired.  He quickly became one of our most active cheerleaders and planners.  So we were all stunned a couple of weeks ago when he violently took his own life in front of another cycling acquaintance.

Because I care so much about keeping things real with my cycling friends, even those I barely know, we talked amongst ourselves openly about the situation and in this way moved through our initial confusion back to enjoying our weekly Sunday rides together.  It was life affirming to discover that in spite of the casual nature of our connection in some cases that we all could share our thoughts about such a tragic experience.

My busy work life quickly put things back into perspective.  One of my clients – who was first a fast friend – has just published her first book and is riding the high of announcing her new venture to the world.  It’s been a real joy to work alongside her and help to launch her long-held dream.   I’ve heard that the greatest way to make your own dreams come true is to help someone else achieve theirs.  And I can tell you with certainty now that this is true.

Then about two weeks ago in order to keep Austin Cycling Meetup’s schedule fresh I established a new ride after work in the middle of the week.  One of my Twitter followers, a triathlon coach had a ride on Tuesdays that was very similar to our first attempt at a road cycling ride downtown.  So we struck up a conversation online and decided to join forces to create something special for both our groups.

Shortly after connecting with Tammy Metzger of  Tempo Multisport, her cycling buddy Shane introduced himself by email and offered his contact information to use when Tammy wasn’t available.  I discovered the ride was actually his “baby.”  On both of the rides I went on with these two I was impressed with the fact that Shane, like Tammy, went out of his way to make sure everyone was okay and accounted for.  He asked about me along the way on both rides – making sure that as a slower rider I wasn’t dropped from the group.

When we gathered under a downtown Austin bridge at our famous “rock” and  rolled out on Tuesday for our second ride together we realized  that we had the largest group either of our organizations had ever had on a weeknight ride.  We were all full of anticipation for the great ride we expected to have with so many ride buddies present.

I soon became overcome by the intense heat since it’s been a rather recent development and this is my first Texas summer as a cyclist.  After stopping twice for water with my friend Jeff, who’s been a die hard riding partner for several months, we became separated from the group temporarily.  Suddenly, not long after sending Tammy to look for us, Shane was tragically hit by a car whose young driver was blinded by the setting sun and turned into him as he was descending a hill.

When I returned from our ride back to our starting point I was met by another good friend who waited to tell me the news.  Going straight to the hospital still in my sweaty cycling clothes was an unconscious action.  One that no one could have stopped me from taking.

Even though I don’t know Shane and his wife that well, they’re now an extended part of my cycling family.  As a ride leader for my little group, Shane’s photo is smiling back at me every time I log on to a Tuesday night ride. As the founder of the group I can’t really describe my feeling of fiduciary connection.  Call me a “Mother Hen,” if you will.

As several of us sat in vigil waiting for him to come out of surgery I was struck at how fragile life is.  It can change on a dime when you least expect it.

Thank goodness Shane is recuperating and will walk again after several surgeries, some rest and healing of broken bones.  We cycling nuts are a resilient breed.

Although the fragility of life is not a new awareness for me the experience of it as the more active person I’m becoming in Austin was crystal clear that night in the hospital.  When you put yourself “out there” and take on heat, and pavement and your own limitations you run the risk of falling hard both physically and metaphorically.  And with this new angle on living a full life came a new, deeper appreciation for all of the amazing, shared-experience connections I’m building here.

Just two nights after my hospital vigil with new friends there was a social event that I had been looking forward to all month.  The Big Ass Twitter Happy Hour (aka BATHH) has become one of my primary resources for building community in Austin.  Although I balked at first about becoming a Twitter user I shortly found it has a power like no other to create meaningful connection.  The instant access to so many divergent audiences is unique in Twitter.  After attending the first BATHH a few months ago I began to look forward to seeing the same faces month after month.

This is no cliche: words don’t adequately express the depth of the relationships I’ve built around Twitter and the way that these new connections have touched my life.  Just the right words at the right time, or the perfect resource for a project appear effortlessly in my life at the pushing of a few keys.  So take these people (aka “Tweeps,”) add a little libation, a little lighthearted fun and the magic of Her Royal Highness Miss Annie Ray (event photographer like no other) and you have a night to remember.

Those nights to remember add up when they play out with a similar cast each month, in huge part to the resourcefulness of husband and wife real estate geniuses Lani and Benn Rosales.  It all adds up to a richer life.  Twitter friends become colleagues and clients.  They become riding buddies and fine dining companions.  They even become someone to vent to over coffee about the things in life that frustrate us and would bottleneck if not released.

You name it, and I’ve found it on Twitter.

So I elected to meet my beloved community head-on this week just two days after staying up until the wee hours holding vigil for Shane.  Some that I invited to join me weren’t feeling ready for this kind of socializing so soon after the accident.  And for me it was a decision about being surrounded by people that I knew would be happy to see me.

My friend Harry's spontaneous dinner invites all come with a stunning backdrop: downtown Austin aglitter. The iPhone does a good job of capturing the sparkle from a darkened balcony.

My decision was rewarded by good friends, lots of hugs, and a spontaneous late night dinner overlooking the sparkling lights of downtown Austin.  And it was cooked by none other than the same thoughtful friend that waited at The Rock to give me the news of our new friend’s accident.  My client Harry, who rode into my life – through the power of social media – on a bike lovingly nicknamed The Green Lady  is quickly becoming another valued fixture.  He cooks, he cleans, he even slays dragons.

I wouldn’t trade the richness of my new life for all of the green, green grass in the East Texas pastures on my former farm…even though I miss my own personal sanctuary down deep in my bones.

For you see, I have a new sanctuary.  And this one is built of real, live friends.

Tagged as: Austin Cycling Meetup, belonging, big life changes, healing trauma, life lessons, Magic of Social Media, motherly bliss, Peacock Creek Farm, Stranger in a Strange Land